lets have a heart to heart

So I realized this week that I really hate the question “how are you?”
Its a super general question to me, and my intial repsonse without even thinking is “good” even if im not good. So basically, I dont give people a proper response because its so general, and I usually am doing good at the moment I am asked, but then a few moments later I can be struck with the struggles that go on daily in my life. So if you ever truly want to know how i am…ask me specific questions.

So I think I’m going to use this entry, to be totally honest with where I’m at in life.

I also think I’ve been more introverted. I’m not forced to talk about whats going on in my life a whole lot anymore, so its hard for me to super open in the midst of trials. Ive been asked a few times this past week with how I am, and i havent given specific answers. So here you go, to those who have been wandering.

The last 2 weeks have been super tough. Life is super tough. Responsibility is hard. Leadership is becoming even harder. My life, yet filled with such a great community and friends and an especially incredible group of men to look out for me, is lonely and that only seems to be increasing. And the reality that part of that loneliness just comes with leadership is really kind of depressing, yet apart of me gets excited because it just means even more dependence and realiance on my Savior and Companion.
Yet at the same time, life is incredible. My heart is truly grateful to God and I have joy. But honestly, my heart is overwhelmed. My heart is hurting. My heart gets jealous. My heart is yearning. My mind is racing, and thinking of things that drive me nuts. My desires, and me not wanting to wait for them, is making my struggle with sin difficult.
My heart used to sing no other name but Jesus fairly easily, where now that is becoming a bit harder.
I know I can wait. I want to wait. I know God has great big plans. I know God is preparing me for whatever my future is. I know I am willing to endure whatever, but the midst of it, is ridiculously difficult, especially when you feel alone.
And yet there are so many great things going on around me, God is completely at work. Im so proud of the girls in the house and how they are growing and falling more in love with Christ. I’m excited for what God is doing in my friends lives, and the relationships that are growing there. I’m grateful to have women who can speak into my life, I’m super pumped with the direction our church is going. Love my job. and the people I get to work with. I’m more excited than ever about worship, and singing to my Creator and giving that back to Him.

I think this year God honestly just wants to grow my faith. and I’m excited for the outcome. I also know that my intimacy and reliance on Christ will be stronger than ever. and I will have a better understanding of His peace. The peace that passes all understanding.

 

VERSE OF THE DAY:
”And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God MUST BELIEVE that he exists AND that he rewards those who seek him.”
Hebrews 11:6